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The Greasiest Liar Of All Time

Lance Armstrong has now been disgraced on his bike AND behind the wheel. For a guy who has championed the cause of cyclists having a right to the road… you better get the hell off it when Lance is driving home.

Back in December, Armstrong allegedly hit two parked cars with his SUV after a night of partying in Aspen. That leaves three options. The upstanding dude leaves a note with his number and information. The jerk just keeps driving like nothing happened. And the supreme tool tells his girlfriend to take the rap for it. Guess which option Lance too? Option C! As in coward, cover-up and cheater.

His girlfriend Anna Hansen told Police she was the one driving because Lance had been drinking. Well, I believe the second part. Too bad a valet said it was Lance who drove away. The drunk who thinks he can just bang a U-turn at a DUI checkpoint is laughing at Lance trying to switch drivers.

And exactly how much had dude been drinking if he’s clipping multiple cars on the way home? Lance can work the hairpin turns in the Alps… but he can’t even avoid parked cars in Aspen? Hansen says they lied because Armstrong hitting some cars would be a big national story. You know what’s an even bigger story? Lance getting all romantic and saying his girlfriend hit some cars. Even Eldrick didn’t try to pin his busted china on Lindsey.

And it’s a good thing Lance didn’t hurt anyone – or his lady would be looking at prison. The once greatest cyclist of all time is now just the greasiest liar.

Lance stay sober, stay honest and be thankful there wasn’t a cyclist under your tires.