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Please Give It Up For Vince

Panic in Los Angeles on Thursday. Not an earthquake. Not an amber alert. Not a closure of the carpool lane. Vin Scully lost his championship ring. The LA Dodgers sounded the alarm on Twitter, asking the entire city to circle the wagons for the National Treasure.

And the worst part was- Mr. Scully lost his ring at Costco. See ya. It’s gone. Find me someone who’s ever not lost something at Costco. It’s a hellfire of SUV-sized shopping carts and folks throwing elbows to get to the sample tables. People lose children in that store. The only thing you don’t lose in a Costco… Is savings!

But there’s no way you’re going to find something as small as a ring. It’s hard enough to find the pickles… And they come in jars as big as trash cans.

If it was anybody else losing their ring, they better just buy another one. Because every single shopper in Costco is out for themselves. You have to be. It’s not even shopping. It’s surviving. If you’re going to navigate that Demolition Derby, keep an eye on your kids, grab the 12 liter Grey Goose, the 15 Gallon Mayo, wait in line for a hot dog… .AND snag a slab of salami on a crostini…. You don’t have time to help some old man find his heirloom. Tough break Gramps, but those hamhocks are going fast, move it or lose it.

And even if you had the time, and did find the ring, there’s no way you’re giving it back. It’s a freaking World Series ring: it’s like finding a $30 thousand dollar bill. And if you’re shopping a Costco, you’re not returning it. You’re turning it into 10,000 industrials sized containers of peanut butter.

But Vin Scully is royalty. The entire city would have shut down if he even lost his iPhone. The whole store rallied, and eventually it was found in the bottom of a bag by his wife Sandi. He got his ring back… AND he brought home some dinosaur sized rib racks.

It’s a Christmas Miracle at Costco. As Jolly Old St. Magic so eloquently put it- Please give it up for Vince.