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Good Ol’ Cousin Yuri

Every family has that one relative who’s always looking for money. Aunt Kathy got cleaned out on the riverboat. Uncle Terry wants to open a pizza joint. Cousin Yuri knows you took steroids and wants some hush money. Hate that! That’s the annoying relative Alex Rodriguez is dealing with.

According to court documents filed in Florida last week, A-Rod paid 900-grand to his cousin Yuri Sucart in exchange for shutting the hell up about his roid use. Rodriguez family values. Lying. Cheating. Extortion… I dare you to pick the bigger tool in this transaction. A-Rod… Or Y-Suke.

Let’s start with the Suke, the alleged drug mule. First of all… Look at him. Nice Bluetooth! Did you jam Cuz for it back when he was with the Mariners? And maybe it’s time to stop running PEDS and start grubbing carrots and peas. Sucart’s attorney sent a letter to Cousin Alex, pointing out that his client has steadfastly refused to give interviews or sign book deals. Wow! What a guy! He refuses to write a book that guts his flesh and blood?! Cousin of the year!

As for A-Rod…gotta respect that he was reinstated by baseball… And it took him exactly 5 days to step in it and embarrass the sport all over again. Getting extorted by a family member is his … Is his A-Roddiest move since paying people outside the courthouse to support him. He’s still baseball’s biggest loser… And to think this was the guy who was going to rip Barry Bonds’ homerun record and make everyone feel about the sport again. Hell, Bag-Rod makes Barry look like Derek Jeter.