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Go Get Em Grandpa Kemp

The Matt Kemp to San Diego trade is finally official after a minor delay over Kemp’s physical, which revealed arthritis in both of his hips. Arthritis? Bad hips? Is Matt Kemp my grandma? You know it’s bad when Vin Scully has better hips than you.

However, even bad hips couldn’t stop Matt Kemp in the second half of last season. Dude probably slammed a few Werther’s Originals on his way to 17 home runs, 54 RBI’s and a .309 average after the All-Star break.

Bad hips or not, this is the guy the Padres needed. A big bat that can be the face of a franchise that hasn’t had one in years. And they got the Dodgers to pay a big chunk of his salary. Win-win.

The Dodgers had too many outfielders and the Padres didn’t have enough. And as long as the Padres can keep him together, they’ll finally have the masher they need.

In the meantime, be sure to hook him up with one of those craftmatic adjustable beds and that chair that slides up and down the bannister on the staircase. Oh and a ramp leading into the dugout. And a topped off oxygen tank that he can drag out to the outfield with him.

Padre fan, I like this deal. And I know you do too. And if you want to let Kemp know it, just look for him in the players’ lot. He’ll be rolling that big ol Buick; the one with the blinker light still on. Go get em grandpa.