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Dial Your Swag Down, P

The swag is real! Prior to Swaggy P showing, the Lakers were utterly unwatchable. They were getting hammered every night, with Kobe Bryant going black hole and jacking up as many shots as he could possibly get.

Teammates like Jeremy Lin and Carlos Boozer were crying publicly that the offense was bogging down…and speculation began that Kobe knew they were horrible so he figured ‘screw it’, if we’re not going to win, I’ll just keep shooting and try to get the all-time scoring record. And they drop to 1-9, the situation gets more and more toxic and there’s no doubt that train is coming off the tracks and there’ll be no survivors….then…the self-proclaimed star, Swaggy P, Nick Young makes his first two starts of the year. And they win both. And the entire world changed in an instant.

Suddenly, it’s all good. The A-listers are jumping back on the bandwagon. And the 1-9 Lakers without Swaggy P are now 2-0 with him! The swag is real. And Nick Young’s right. He is a star. Just what the doctor ordered! The black cloud is lifted. And the skies cleared the second Swaggy P showed up.

Just one problem. In a way, as bad as everything was before the swag man showed up, it was actually pretty good. Because they were running their tank playbook to perfection. The worse they played, the better shot they had of keeping that top five draft pick they have next season. But if they finish out of the top five in the lottery, the pick goes to Phoenix.

Except now, Swaggy P is rolling, his swag is rubbing off on everyone else and suddenly, it looks as if that a pick, a pick they have to have is in jeopardy! What I’m saying is, he’s not going to save their season. He’s going to cost them a top five draft pick! Save their season? He’s gonna wreck it!! Nick, you are the man, and you are a star… but you need to dial your swag down.

Way down. Because team car flag loves you. But team tank is terrified of you. And they should be.