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Brady’s Beer Chugging

All this legal tampering has really overshadowed the biggest NFL news of the day: Tom Brady chugging a beer on national television last night. I know. I’m as shocked as you are. That’s a sentence I never thought I’d say, but it happened last night on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert.

First off, if you haven’t seen it, let me set the scene. You have Brady, rocking the tightest of tight lettuce after getting his hair cut for an awesome cause, the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and wearing all-black, looking like an assassin sent from the future to do a late night TV interview and maybe kill a few robots. But instead of killing a cyborg, he killed a beer.

Not only did he win, but he went back for the foam to make sure that he won. And still got the W.

And after seeing that, you might as well give Colbert another Emmy, another Peabody, as well as a Pulitzer and a Nobel Prize, because that was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen. He’s so good at his job, he made Brady look comfortable and normal. Because Brady, in those situations, is neither. This is a different cat, now. A very, very different cat, but in that moment, he seemed like a normal bro, just slamming a pop like the rest of us. Well, not a normal bro having a pop. An NFL legend chugging a beer, but it almost seemed normal.

And yes, he was there to plug the TB 12 brand, and chugging that beer is completely counterintuitive to the TB12 lifestyle and message… but whoever got him to do that deserves a huge raise, because that’s the coolest, most humanizing thing this guy has done in a long time. And fact is, having now gone behind the curtain, come to find out Tom Brady isn’t the coolest dude ever. But that’s the coolest thing he’s done since… well, pretty much ever. And after watching his Facebook show and seeing some of the media he’s doing, I’m not sure anyone would accuse this guy of being cool. So big ups to whoever convinced him to do that.

And after watching that, I’m going to go out on a limb and say something else I never thought I’d ever say before: Brady would CRUSH Gronk in a beer chugging contest. He would absolutely wipe the floor with him. Why do I say that? Three simple words that he said to Colbear before the they started: “are we competing?”

That was your tipoff that Brady was about to go off. And then he just leans back, opens up his trachea, and dumps it down. GSM – Game, Set, Match. Thanks for coming. I see that and I’m convinced that not only is Gronk not beating him, Joseph Chestnut isn’t beating him either. Nobody’s beating Brady at that. He’s just too competitive. He’s got the game and the fire.

Keg stands? Brady’s your guy.. If they gave out Super Bowl rings for Beer Pong, Tom Brady would be the Tom Brady of Beer Pong.

Shoot, I never thought anyone would be able to run down the Mississippi Queen, but Brady would be Secretariat at the Belmont in a race against the her.

And if you want any further evidence, check this story Brian Hoyer told ESPN from back in the day. After a game in Buffalo, the weather was so bad that the Patriots couldn’t fly back to Boston, so they stayed in Rochester and had an impromptu team dinner at a barbecue place. According to Hoyer, “it turns into a beer-chugging contest. You have linemen, Julian Edelman, they all think they are going to win. Then someone says, ‘I heard Tom is really great at chugging a beer.’ We don’t usually get to experience him like this, but we finally coax him into doing it. He does it, and let me tell you, you couldn’t have poured out the beer faster into a glass. It was unbelievable. And he slams the mug on the table and puts both fists in the air. He walks away with a look on his face that said, ‘You really thought you were going to beat me on this?’”

And that sums up Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. ‘You really thought you were going to beat me on this?’ He is a different cat, but he is a competitive cat. And if it’s a competition, he’s going to win.

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