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Bobby Allenby’s Wild Night

Read and hear enough about Robert Allenby’s wild night in Hawaii – and you almost start to feel sort of buzzed yourself. Just like he was when he got hammered and face planted outside a bar. ERRRRRRRRRR I mean – before he was ruthlessly attacked, abducted, robbed and dumped on the street.

Here’s what we know for sure about what happened to Bobby that night- His credit card was stolen and his face was broken. Oh, and he thinks it has something to do with Liam Neeson. “You see this in movies. I’ve watched Taken and Taken 2 a few times. It’s like kind of like a spitting image.”

Yeah I’ve watched them a few times too. But I remember them being about albanian sex traffickers kidnapping women, not pro golfers getting jumped by Johnny Walker. Allegedly.

Because two different homeless people have come forward and said that Bob wasn’t dumped “6 miles” from the bar like he says he was. They say it was just a few blocks from the bar, and that he fell on his face and passed out. One cat says he tried to help Bobby out only to get hit with a “Don’t you know who I am.”

Nothing about this story adds up. Especially the part about him allegedly getting separated from a caddy and a friend. Caddy is another word for wingman, and there’s no way he’s leaving the moneymaker in a situation like that. No, this sounds less like the “spitting image” of Taken and more like a bad sequel to The Hangover. All that got “taken” that night was about 8 Mai Tais. Allegedly. And if the police are still looking for suspects, I’d start questioning Captain Morgan.